Khuswant's Jokes

INDIA -- THE NEW MILLENNIUM

Cheer up my son, buck up my boy,

You are living in 'The Land of Joy'. You go to

school where they do not teach,

In the House of God, they hatred preach. If you

have merit, you will sigh and sob,

If you are backward, you might get a job. Out of

caste, if you dare to wed,

Your kith and kin will chop your head. If you are

honest, in north or in south,

You will live from hand to mouth. If you

are wily and your means sinister,

You are likely to become a chief minister. But

remember the new maxim, my lad,

Defection is good, conversion is bad.

LABOUR WOES

The Indian and Cuban labour

ministers were in the midst of a meeting.

Cuban labour minister: 'Labour problems in our nation

produce hundreds of types of tensions for me.'

Indian labour minister: 'That's nothing. Labour

problems in our nation produce 50,000 babies every day.'

CATCH THEM ...!

An Englishman, an American, and a Sardarji were called

upon to test a lie detector.

The Englishman said, T think I can empty 20 bottles of

beer.'

BUZZZZZ went the lie detector.

'OK,' he said, '10 bottles.' And the machine was

silent. ,.

The American said, 'I think I can eat 15 hamburgers.'

BUZZZZZ went the lie detector.

'Alright, 8 hamburgers.' And the machine was silent.

The Sardarji said, `I think ...'

BUZZZZZ went the machine!

ONE FOR IMAMDIN

Subedar Lehna Singh and Subedar Imamdin were in the same regiment in the British Indian Army. They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together. The partition separated them as Subedar Imamdin was absorbed in the Pakistan Army.To keep his friend's memory alive Subedar Singh always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately! When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: 'This glass is Imamdin's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each -- one on behalf of Imamdin, the other for myself.'Suddenly one evening Subedar Lehna Singh was seen with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, 'You see, I have given up drinking but Imamdin has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend.'

G R E E D UNLIMITED

Lala Garib Chand was a wealthy zamindar. He asked his maneem (accountant) to add up all he owned and how long it could last. The muneem added up all his assets and assured him that it would certainly hold out till the traditional saat pusht -- seven generations. Far from of being relieved Lala Garib Chand looked more disconsolate than before and with a great sigh of sorrow are exclaimed, Hai! Hamaaree aathveen pusht ka kya hoga (Oh! What will happen to our eighth generation?)